eMarviews

so that you both win!

Here's the 7 things (if you've only got 10 seconds to read):

1. Listen
2. Be Silent
3. Repeat what she said
4. Listen carefully (yes, again)
5. Don't overreact
6. Be considerate
7. Live and let go!

And the expanded version for those that just want to visit for a couple of minutes longer:

1. Listen - Yes, I'm sure you've all heard it before, but one of the primary keys (reminds me of databases) to any successful marriage is listening! Look at her so that she knows you're paying attention. Don't jump the gun to quickly and make sure that you are not just waiting for your turn to argue. So in order to do this, you must...
2. Be Silent - Don't interrupt! Let her finish her thoughts even if you are 100% sure she is wrong. (And even if she is wrong, you really don't want to throw it in her face. more later) This one really goes hand in hand with the listening, if you are trying to speak and not being silent, then you are not listening! Bite your tongue, hold your breath, clear your and understand what she is saying by...
3. Repeat(ing) what she said - Yes, scientists have proved it in countless studies: Regurgitating is essential to understanding. By hearing yourself repeating what your wife just said you gain a better understanding of what she said and clarify anything you didn't understand. Once you finish regurgitating...
4. Listen carefully (yes, again) - You will earn more respect from your wife and she will probably be more receptive to your thoughts just because of the fact that you were listening. Especially if you are usually hardheaded and don't normally pay attention. She'll think: "Wow, he actually paid attention to what I said, maybe I should listen, too." Remember, don't be stubborn and ...
5. Don't overreact - It doesn't matter if she is completely wrong. Let her have her say. Maybe she just needs to vent a little or just wants to let out some frustration. Let her! Who knows, maybe she'll resolve the "argument" herself after she calms down and notices that you are actually listening. That's part of your duties as a REAL partner. You hear each other out and help each other. So guys, please...
6. Be considerate - You are considerate when you do all of the above and when you help her understand (that you are always right, just joking! :) that you are willing to resolve any issues that you may have. Also, let your wife save face if she is wrong. It's not a competition. It's a partnership! (If it isn't...well, I won't go there...) You are in it for the long haul so make sure you...
7. Live and let go! - as much as humanly possible! And if you for some reason "can't" (which is a bad word for me) come to an agreement, then agree to disagree.

There are some other things you can do especially if your wife is arguing or mad at you over something small or silly. Make her laugh! She'll often realize how silly the argument was and get over it. One way to do this is to use your kids, especially if you have little ones. For example, my 5 year old girl, Genesis, has gotten into the habit of jumping on me and going crazy when she or my wife yells: "ATTACK!" My wife always cracks up when Gen does that. (So Gen is my secret weapon of sorts, so don't tell my wife. Shhh! I've got some other ones, but they are too secret to post for now, maybe later.)

BTW, if anyone else besides husbands reads this (yes, I'm talking to you, wife of husband), you can apply the 7 steps to arguing yourself. Come on, you know you want to! :)

twitter ya later and now back to work...

PS If my blog does not let you comment because of some dumb error, please let me know: mcorea @ yahoo

Tags: arguing, marriage, lifehack, compromising, being considerate, listening, regurgitating, overreacting, living, family, wifes, husbands